


Fan.

by Nizza



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Kaihun - Freeform, M/M, sekai - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-28
Updated: 2015-07-28
Packaged: 2018-04-11 17:01:55
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,345
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4444472
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nizza/pseuds/Nizza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>You are perfect, Jongin. And if you know how to talk to perfect people, please, teach me, because I don’t know how. Every single time when I look at you I think of what kind of asshole I am. Jongin, I h a t e comics, but three times in a week I can be found in the comic book shop. Why? Is it because I’m a masochist or maybe because the most fucking perfect guy I have ever seen in my life works there?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fan.

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Amina a.k.a Jani Mun](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=Amina+a.k.a+Jani+Mun), [also to Nithya cause she's a Sekai trash](https://archiveofourown.org/gifts?recipient=also+to+Nithya+cause+she%27s+a+Sekai+trash).
  * A translation of [Фанат.](https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/132794) by https://ficbook.net/authors/495617. 



> First of all HUGE thanks to the author of this amazing work for giving me permission to translate it and to absolutely amazing beta, who fixed all mistakes and made this text readable!

Jongin presses a pencil to the paper and tries to impose the semitone in soft strokes, when the doorbell rattles, notifying about a new client. Kyungsoo peeks out of his closet and gives him a sign. With a roll of his eyes, Jongin puts his pencil on the table and closes an album, immediately sticking a smile to his lips. It turns out comical and just a right amount of awkward for any other loser, like himself, who is just too tired for anything else. 

‘’And how can you even read this?’’ this growl Jongin can recognize out of thousands. His heart falls into the stomach and the skin of palms turns cold and sticky. Sehun is standing near the shelf with classic comic books and wrinkles his nose. Disdained smile on his lips; both hands in the pockets of shabby jeans. There are more holes in them than needed and his pale skin with blue veins and short black hair can be easily seen. His paleness is a bit too much for Korean, but fits just right for a guitarist of underground rock band.  
Chanyeol, who is a drummer in the said rock band, methodically looks through all “Batman” comics. He’s a long time fan of a Gotham hero and always looks for anything new to fill his collection.  
Jongin grips end of the table with his sweaty fingers and commands himself to breathe normally. It’s hard not to stare at Sehun, but it’s not impossible. After two years you can learn how to control not only your breathing.  
Kyungsoo exits his closet and after noticing guys from the rock band immediately sends Jongin short, but an eloquent stare. As a boss – he won’t let his worker shame his shop, and as a friend – he will sympathize on the best of his abilities, because - anyone who has seen Oh Sehun at least once can confidently tell - Jongin is out of his league. Out in a ‘’no fucking way’’ and ‘’even in the next life you have no chances’’ kinda way.  
Jongin purses his lips and suppressing a very strong urge to just bang his head on the table, goes to the customers, praying for his legs to not give away under him. There are two meters between them, when the doorbell rattles again and the door opens with a loud thumb.  
‘’Are you all dead here?’’ guy in a riveted leather-coat asks, fumbling with a beer in his yellowish from the tobacco, hands. Reddish hair almost cover his eyes that always have eyeliner on them. Thin eyebrows rise as finger of his free hand draws tiny spiral in a thick with marvel dust air.  
‘’I’m barely hanging on’’, Sehun throws ‘The Incredible Hulk’ of 2000s back on the shelf.  
Jongin tries to look at the guy with a beer, because Sehun is literally two meters away from him, which makes it less than half a meter of an allowable range. The heart beats faster and his mouth goes dry, not talking about the face, which is definitely the color of Superman trousers now.  
‘’Hey, you!’’ guy with a beer turns around, aiming the bottleneck on Jongin, who intuitively steps back, thinking that his infarct is pushed on a indefinite time. ‘’Kim Jongin?’’ the bottleneck gets closer to Jongin. The hole of it looks right on his chest and is about to spit foam.

‘’Y-yes’’, stepping back, replies Jongin. His back meets the shelf full of little action figures of transformers and he nervously swallows. 

‘’Don’t you remember me? Kim Jongdae!’’ guy moves his hand and beer spills all over. ‘’We were sitting at the nearby desks in the second grade of high school. You always helped me with chemistry- I mean, I always looked on your sheet on exams. Remember?’’  
Jongin blinks in shock. His memory, (that was clouded with endorphins and adrenaline, thanks to Sehun), sluggishly starts working. He can almost hear how gears in his brain squeak, turning dusted pages of the memories. 

‘’I was wearing horrible glasses and braces and everyone called me something between camel and a dinosaur.’’

‘’Oooh’’, Jongin lets out, acting like he remembered. The nickname sounds familiar, unlike the guy in a leather jacket. 

‘’Whatever, no one remembers me’’, he laughs and takes a sip from the bottle, making a face afterwards. ‘’Hate Korean beer.’’

‘’No one is making you drink it’’, Sehun says, passing the shelf with Captain America cards and going out, but not without glancing at the cards with hate. Before he leaves, Jongin notices him taking out cigarettes from the pocket. 

‘’Listen, do you work here?’’ Jongdae asks and takes a sip of beer again. ‘’Nope, it didn’t get better. And I hoped it would.’’

‘’Kinda’’, Jognin says. He gets more confident, when Sehun is not around. 

‘’Are you keeping in touch with anyone from our class? Kim Junmyeon, Kim Minsoek? And that nasty one, forgot his name…’’, Jongdae clicks his fingers, trying to remember the name.

‘’Byun Baekhyun?’’

‘’Right! So, are you talking to them?’’

‘’Well, me and Myeon sometimes call each other, Minsoek is in China, as far as I know he should be coaching football team, and Byun married a girl of some mafia leader, so we are all officially dead for him.’’

‘’I’m not even surprised. You know, I would like to stay and chat, but you know, graphic of musicians is too tight for this…’’, Jongin nods and Jongdae looks thoughtful for a second before he continues: ‘’There will be party tonight, only our guys, no one else; wanna come?’’

Jongin opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Kim Jongdae is not the guy who can get all of the reasons behind his ‘’no, never’’. 

‘’He’ll come’’, a strong hand grips Jongin’s shoulder, making him shiver and he’s already ready to beat up whoever entered his personal space, only then he sees Kyungsoo and his right hand slowly goes down. 

‘’No, I won’t’’, he suavely says, but his gaze is screaming ‘’Why would you even say that?!’’

‘’No, you’ll come’’, Kyungsoo says forcefully and his grip on Jongin’s shoulder tightens, making another boy groan and accidentally sweep couple of transformers on the ground. Poor robots died absurdly. 

‘’Write down the address, you’re welcome there if you come around’’, Jongdae quickly dictates the address and Kyungsoo writes it down. (Jongin hates perfectionists, who always carry notes and pens with them everywhere.) Chanyeol finally finds edition that is absent in his collection and squeals, running to the cashbox and Jonging, with a sigh of relief, quickly goes there. 

When customers are out and comic shop becomes dull and boring again, Kyungsoo gets two cups and a jar of granulated cocoa out of his closet, along with haven’t yet cooled water. 

‘’Now you gonna explain to me why you’re such an idiot’’, he says, adding water into the cup. He’s not looking at Jongin, who opened his album again and concentrated on outlines.

‘’I’m not an idiot’’, he mutters. ‘’And I don’t want cocoa, thank you.’’

‘’You want it and that’s not up for discussion. Get your skinny ass here.’’

Jongin purses his lips and continues on with his drawing even though he doesn’t really want to do that, because one asshole has just ruined his mood and is about to do the same with his life. 

‘’Jongin, I’m the boss here, so if you’re not into searching for a new job, then get back here and take your cocoa. With biscuits, by the way.’’

Jongin puts his pencil on the album and comes to Kyungsoo, taking handed cup in his hands. 

‘’I want you to go to Jongdae’s party’’, Kyungsoo says.

‘’I don’t want to.’’

‘’Why?’’

‘’Just because.’’

‘’Any other reasons?’’

‘’They are present.’’

‘’I’m listening.’’

‘’You know everything.’’

‘’Remind me.’’

Jongin sends Kyungsoo a death glare. 

‘’I don’t go to the parties, because I don’t- I feel uncomfortable there. I don’t drink or smoke, I don’t do drugs and I’m just-’’

‘’Boooring’’, Kyungsoo lets out and Jongin throws package of sugar right in his face. ‘’Sorry.’’

‘’I don’t forgive you’’, Jongin takes a sip of his cocoa. It’s hot and he can’t swallow it quickly. 

‘’Okay, but you have never attended any party. How do you know that it would be uncomfortable for you?’’

‘’The only thought about it makes me uncomfortable, okay?’’ Jongin puts the cup on the table and wipes the foam mustache. 

‘’But Sehun will be there-‘’

‘’That’s what makes me uncomfortable.’’

‘’But… it’s Sehun.’’

‘’Exactly.’’

Kyungsoo groans quietly. 

‘’Are you planning to suffer your whole life from an unrequited love?’’

‘’Yep’’, Jongin nods and gets back on his place near the shelf. 

‘’But you’re still going to that party. I will personally take you there, holding your hand.’’

‘’Fuck you.’’

‘’I’ll fire you.’’

‘’Asshole.’’

‘’Deal.’’

Apparently, Kyungsoo wasn’t joking. Just when Jongin closes the shop, he grips his hand and doesn’t let it go till the reach his house and even there, he’s following Jongin everywhere and it starts to get scary. 

‘’Can I at least use bathroom alone?’’ Jongin asks, praying to Gods so the answer will be positive. Kyungsoo looks like he’s seriously debating his decision and Jongin feels uneasy. 

‘’There is a window there, but it’s small and doesn’t really open. You can try and squeeze it, but with your luck and resourcefulness, you’ll get stuck. However, you live only on the seventh floor, so…’’

‘’Are you being serious right now?’’ Jongin interrupts. Kyungsoo stares at him for second or two and then starts laughing. 

‘’Did you really think that I-‘’

‘’No!’’ well, yes, actually, but it’s embarrassing to confess. 

‘’Go and take a shower, I’ll look for suitable clothes.’’

‘’Good luck’’, Jongin says, throwing his backpack on the sofa and going to the bathroom. 

When he’s out, Kyungsoo is not in the room. Jongin looks around, checking every place: under the bed, behind the curtain, right in his cupboard. It looks like Kyungsoo had magically disappeared and Jongin can’t believe his luck, slowly coming out of the room. 

‘’Thought I’d left?’’

Jongin twitches, stumbles and hits the wall. He presses his hand on the chest, right to the place where his heart is beating like crazy, threatening to jump out. 

‘’Let’s go to my place’’, Kyungsoo stands up and wipes his jeans. 

‘’What’s it for?’’

‘’Even my grandpa has better clothes than you do. I’ll give you some of mine, hopefully you’ll fit in them.’’

Jongin honestly hopes he won’t.

**

The shirt fits just right, but it can’t be said about pants, which are too tight and short. Kyungsoo makes Jongin twirl and then smiles in satisfaction. 

‘’That’s exactly what’s needed’’, he says and pulls the fold under the ass. Jongin stoically bears all the flouts and tries not to think about how the tightness of the pants makes his junk stood out. 

‘’If you think that I’ll get out of the house wearing _this_ , then you’re dead wrong…’’

‘’Jongin, please, trust my seven year gay experience - with the way you look right now, not only a guy from the rock band, but even a hundred percent straight guy will want you.’’

‘’Do you see boobs on me?’’

‘’God, learn to take compliments!’’

‘’Learn to make ones.’’

‘’You know, now I understand why you’re still a virgin at your twenty-four.’’

‘’Wanna enlighten me?’’ Jongin asks enthusiastically and then falls on the bed. Bunt immediately sticks to his ass and he suppresses desire to moan out loud, making Kyungsoo laugh. 

‘’I’ll kick your balls now and we’ll laugh together’’, Jongin hisses, standing up. ‘’Drive me to that party, I better die of embarrassment in front of Sehun than spend five more minutes with you.’’  
Kyungsoo rubs his hands with look of complete satisfaction on his face and then, swaying his ass from side to side, goes to the hall. Jongin follows, not giving up on trying to push pants down. 

**

If this is called ‘’party only for our guys’’ then Jongin is Di Caprio.  
There are so many people in this tiny flat that he starts to get claustrophobic. With a great difficulty, he managed to find place in the corner right next to the palm that looks so out of place here, maybe even more than Jongin does; and also there is a cat sitting close to him, eating something that probably is leaf but he’s not sure.  
Jongin falls on a chair that’s seen better day, tries to discreetly adjust himself so pants won’t stick into his ass and after few moments he understands that no one here cares about him, so he unbuttons his shirt and pushes his pants down, moaning in pleasure.  
His mouth is dry, but in order to get a cup of water he needs to go through the hell.  
Jongin tries to find owner of this house, but he’s nowhere to be seen. Chanyeol somehow manages to be in few places at the same, Sehun is on the sofa in the company of two girls who do whatever they want. Obviously, they want him and Jongin tries not to look at that side. The desire to go home gets stronger with each passing second, but Kyungsoo took away his wallet, and going home by walking is just as possible as flying on the moon.  
Jongin rubs his face. There are droplets of sweat on his forehead and nose and his cheeks are hot. No one bothered to open the window, even though it’s impossible to breathe inside. Once again he looks around, but miracle doesn’t happen: Jongdae is still nowhere to be found and it’s just embarrassing to lend money for taxi from Chanyeol.  
Jongin only have time to breathe out, when one daubed girl occupies his knees, locking her hands on his neck with a question: ‘’Why are you so sad, handsome?’’ Jongin feels like he’s one of those Indian astrophysicists who cannot talk to women unless they are drunk. He stares at a girl with obvious fear in his eyes and she stares back at him with tipsy eyes. She blinks and points at his chest with her finger.  
‘’Have never seen you before, are you a musician?’’

Jongin shakes his head and girl wrinkles her nose in disappointment. 

‘’Pity’’, she lets out, standing up from his knees, ‘’you’re so handsome’’ and with this she goes on searching for the new prey. 

He sighs in relief and then – he sees it. His heart skips a beat, mouth waters and hands starts to shake a little. It lays just half a meter from him, forgotten by everyone and just screams ‘’take me’’.  
Jongin furtively looks around, gets up and snatches the notebook under some dishes. He almost cries out of happiness, because the notebook is clean. Again looking around to find something that can resemble a pencil, he looks down the table and sees a pen. Jongin takes it, gets back on the chair and starts drawing a sketch. At least, he hopes it is, but after ten minutes he realizes what (or better, _who_ ) he’s drawing and desperate moan escapes his mouth. He covers his face with notebook and breathes in bitter and so familiar smell of ink and paper.  
Half of the guests occupy little corners and armchairs, so Jongin has a great view of the sofa. Sehun is sitting half-turned to him, smoking a cigarette and with drunk smile listening to whatever girls are saying to him; glances at first girl then at another, touches their lips with his fingers, caresses their hair. Sometimes he kisses them and Jongin tells himself to stop. It’s harder to draw than to breathe.  
Jongdae appears out of nowhere and makes cat move, taking free place. Jongin manages to close the notebook and throw it on the full of chips table before his sketch could be seen.  
‘’Listen, one girl here wants to meet you. She’s hot and had just broke up with her boyfriend and she _really_ needs someone to comfort her’’, Jongdae wiggles with his eyebrows. Jongin hates Kyungsoo even more now, promising to himself that he’ll make one hell of a day for his boss tomorrow. 

‘’I’m not really good at comforting’’, says Jongin and Jongdae laughs, patting his shoulder. 

‘’She’s drunk as a skunk, you don’t have to try too hard.’’

‘’Well, I don’t know…’’

‘’Listen, there is a year’s supply of condoms under my bed and their shelf life ends this month. It would be a pity if they go to waste.’’  
For the first time in this evening Jongin is thankful for stuffiness, so he can easily blame it on his red face. 

‘’Let’s go before she’ll found someone’’, Jongdae takes Jongin’s hand and pushes him off the chair. At the last second Jongin remembers to zip his pants. 

By the time they get through the hall that girl has already found someone to comfort her and cries either to his neck or his mouth. 

‘’Bad luck’’, Jongdae presses his lips together and looks back with guilt in his eyes. Jongin sighs in relief. 

“You know, it’s a great party and everything, but I have a work tomorrow so…’’, he thinks of a way to lend money without looking too sad, when fucking end of the world happens. 

‘’Sehun, look what I found!’’ Chanyeol’s loud voice echoes in the room and Jongin just _knows_ that something bad is coming. So when he turns around to the sound of the voice, it’s doesn’t surprise him to see a certain notebook in drummer’s hand. 

‘’What do you have there?’’ Sehun yawns, making it obvious that he doesn’t give a shit about whatever his friend has to say.

‘’You have a fan. Real fan.’’

‘’And till this day they were fictional like your girlfriend?’’

‘’Shut up and look’’, he throws the notebook in the air and Sehun doesn’t make any attempt to catch it, so poor thing lands on the carpet with dull ‘boom’. 

‘’If this is another love letter then I’m gonna shove it up your ass in front of everybody’’, Sehun promises and tilts a little, picking up the notebook. He puts it on his knees and opens with two fingers; whistles and gives cigarette to the girl, who takes it with awe. 

‘’Whose is this?’’

Everyone turns around and stares at the drawing.  
Jongin wishes he could become a wall.  
Casually smoking, Sehun is imprinted on the notebook sheet; with his half open mouth, a thin steam of smoke pulls through his nostrils and eyes gleam under the weight of eyelids. Eyelashes are thick and sharp, just like everything in Sehun.  
‘’Who. Draw. This?’’

Jongin trembles and looks up. Licking his lips, he lets out wretched ‘me’. His voice is brittle and dry, almost silent. Sehun doesn’t hear it or looks at his side. Jongdae shoves Jongin, gesturing to come closer. Jongin shifts his weight from one leg to another and then shyly raises his hand, adding ‘ I draw it’ to his said before ‘me’.  
Sehun’s gaze looks around the room; stops for a second on Jongin and then moves on. 

‘’It’s mine!’’ Cute Chinese guy shouts from the other corner of the room, smiling drunkenly at Sehun. Then he proceeds to get to the center on his wobbling legs, holding almost empty bottle of wine in his hand, because Sehun gestured to come closer. 

‘’What’s your name?’’

‘’LuHan’’, guy licks his lips and takes Sehun’s hand in his, immediately being pulled in the embrace. Jongin doesn’t listen to their conversation after that. 

‘’I’ll go’’, he says to Jongdae and heads to the door. Jongdae silently stares after. 

**

For two days Jongin pretends that Kyungsoo is dead. He tried many things to distract himself, but pain didn’t go away.  
Friday morning turns out completely awful: classes were cancelled in the local school; so all the scholars, saved money on the dinner, rush to the shop. Jongin barely has time to count the change and thanks customers for the purchases.  
Now Jongin regrets pretending that Kyungsoo is dead because that’s exactly what he’s doing, instead of helping with the customers. With headphones in his ears and both hands locked on the chest, he’s rocking in the chair and Jongin wants to make him trip so bad, but he can’t leave the cashbox.  
When third wave of scholars, wanting to buy comics about a red-haired Russian scout, ends, Jongin takes a deep breath and opens his album. He only manages to get the construction lines, when the bell rattles and Chanyeol walks in, with Sehun following shortly with a discontented face.  
‘’One time I will just wait for him outside, I promise’’, he mumbles. 

Jongin quickly closes the album and puts a special for this kind of occasions mask on his face. It’s an expression of complete indifference, even though Kyungsoo says mentally retarded people are drawn with exactly same expression in the books of psychiatry.  
Chanyeol smiles to Jongin and then runs to the shelf full of Batman comics and Sehun stops near the table with different little figures on it. He picks up one of them and then puts back. His eyes suddenly look up and Jongin’s legs get weak. He twitches, thinking if he should go to Chanyeol and offer him help, or just stab pencil in his neck. In all honesty, second option seems more appealing, but apparently universe has another plans.  
‘’You forgot something’’, little piece of paper drops on the counter. 

Jongin automatically turns his head to have a look and his heart drops, going straight to hell.  
In front of him, folded in half and with beer stain on the corner there is his sketch from Jongdae’s party. Jongin thinks of how likely it is to die from aortic rupture at twenty-four; understands that he won’t get that lucky and pushes paper away.  
‘’This is not mine’’, he says in a barely audible voice. 

‘’And I’m sure that this is yours’’, Sehun puts both hands on the counter and leans on. 

Jongin shakes his head. 

‘’I saw that you was drawing it.’’

Jongin frantically breathes in, puffing his cheeks; seems like his eyes are about to come out of the sockets. 

‘’And I hoped for you to say its yours.’’

Jongin breathes out with a whistle. His face is on fire and heart beats like crazy somewhere in his throat. Sehun doesn’t back down with his intimidating gaze, which is not helping. At all. 

‘’Excuse me, where do you have manga here?’’ someone asks in an angelic voice and Jongin immediately rushes to his savior – little girl with two braids. Jongin shows her everything she wants, answers on the most idiotic questions with such an enthusiasm like he’s running for president. He hopes that while he’s assisting the girl, Chanyeol will pick his comic and he can quickly pay for it, so Jongin would escape remaining in the same universe with Oh Sehun. By the time little girl goes away with full of books hands, both musicians are long gone. Jongin comes to his counter and understands that this is the world’s end part two: his album with all of the sketches of Sehun is gone. The only thing that left is sketch from Jongdae’s party with address written on the corner. 

**  
Sehun left the address of some nightclub. Jongin arrives there after the work and guy in the doors says that it’s closed. Jongin makes four circles around the block and then comes back, feeling uneasy.  
‘’I was scheduled a meeting’’, he says, hoping that he doesn’t look like a complete idiot. Guy looks him all over and stops sucking on his lollipop to ask the question:  
‘’Who?’’

‘’Um, Sehun?’’

‘’Are you Jongin?’’

‘’Yes.’’

‘’Why didn’t you say it to at once?’’

Jongin shrugs with his shoulders and guy steps to the side and pushes the door. 

‘’They are in the main hall’’, he says when Jongin steps into the darkness of the club.

There are only two halls here and it’s not hard to find the main one – music is way too loud. Jongin covers his ears with hands and gets inside along with some boy, who carries boxes full of salted nuts. They try to save the electricity, so the scene and a bar tare only lighted up parts here. Jongin trips over a wire, curses and gets pushed on the wall by some loader, who with a good-natured smile tells him to be more careful. Jongin stays on his place and looks up on the scene, where repetition continues.  
Jongin has never heard Sehun’s band before and now he has this double sense: from one side, music is too heavy, out of those ‘crushing-bones-and-burning-nerve-endings’ type, but from the other it’s Sehun and… fucking god, that’s Sehun! He stands steps away from the microphone stand, completely focused on the instrument; his fingers pluck the strings so quickly that Jongin doesn’t even try to keep up with the pace. The sounds that come out of them get mixed with the furious drumbeats and silky sound of a bass guitar. Jongdae’s voice fits perfectly in the composition, but then another part starts and its heavier, full of despair and melancholic pain. That’s when Sehun comes in. His eyes are closed, lips pressed to the microphone, and fingers barely pluck the strings. He starts singing, but Jongin is not sure if singing is a right word; it’s something between whispering and deaf shouting. It makes him tremble so much that it’s not natural, makes goose bumps appear on his skin.  
Sehun is in only jeans; guitar strap cuts deep in a sweaty skin of the upper arm. Sehun exhales with a groan to the mic, steps back and clumps mediator between his lips, touching and plucking the strings. Wave of voltage drops and Jongin can feel again. He shakily exhales and breaks away from the wall. Sehun raises his head and looks at him and Jongin wants to break eye contact, only he can’t. Now Sehun is singing, playing only for him, there is no doubt in this. Jongin loses himself in the music and snaps back to reality only when it stops. Sehun takes the guitar off his shoulder and puts it on the stand, jumps of the scene, going to Jongin.  
‘’Come’’, he gestures and goes out of the hall. Jongin follows.  
Short corridor leads to the little dusty room in the rear of the building, which appears to be dressing room for the musicians.  
Sehun lets Jongin come in first and then closes the door, leaning on it with his back. His hands run down his jeans and he pushes them lower, although if you ask Jongin then it just can’t be even more lower, so he forces himself to look right in his eyes.  
‘’Your album is there, on the table’’, Sehun motions with his chin somewhere behind Jongin’s back. He looks back and immediately spots corner of his album under a mess of jackets and shirts. He doesn’t really care for it at the moment, but Sehun shouldn’t know that. ‘’Will you continue on being silent? Don’t you want to ask something?’’

‘’What?’’ Jongin’s gaze drops on Sehun’s collarbones and after coloring it with hickeys in his mind, he looks up just at the time to catch Sehun’s smirk. 

‘’Anything you want. I’ll answer any question.’’

‘’Okay’’, Jongin’s sweating and that’s not good. ‘’If you knew that the sketch is mine, why didn’t you tell this to that guy?’’

‘’Why didn’t you tell that the sketch is yours?’’ Sehun asks, tilting his head to the right. ‘’I asked and he answered. This guy was obviously more interested in me than you.’’

‘’But- but I answered’’, Jongin blushes and looks away. 

‘’You did?’’

‘’Yeah. Two times. Jongdae can confirm.’’

‘’Why I didn’t hear it?’’

‘’Maybe because not everyone wants to scream about something like this to the whole word’’, his gaze returns to Sehun. ‘’If you wanted me to ‘say it’s mine’ then why didn’t you come up to me? I spent whole night in the company of a palm and a cat. And you know this, if you watched me drawing.’’

Sehun wipes corner of his lip with a thumb. 

‘’Wanna know why I didn’t come up to you?’’

‘’Yes.’’ No, he doesn’t want to know, but the part that’s responsible for his tongue has never been very smart. 

‘’Okay’’, Sehun licks his lips. ‘’Look at us. My life consists from this kind of rooms, never ending parties and girls, who are ready to jump on me just because I’m in the band. Those, who think this kind of life is ‘cool’, definitely have never woken up in the puddle of their own vomit in an apartment that is rented by some seventeen years old drug addict’’, he pushes himself off the door and takes a step forward. ‘’And then there is you’’, Sehun looks right in Jongin’s eyes, coming closer, ‘’talented guy who knows what he wants to do with his life and how to achieve that. Your friends love you because of who you are, not because you’re some ‘star’. Not a one mother will prohibit her daughter to go on a date with you, not a one father will threat to shoot you in the head if you step closer to their house. You are perfect, Jongin. And if you know how to talk to perfect people, please, teach me, because I don’t know how. Every single time when I look at you I think of what kind of asshole I am. Jongin, I _h a t e_ comics, but three times in a week I can be found in the comic book shop. Why? Is it because I’m a masochist or maybe because the most fucking perfect guy I have ever seen in my life works there?’’

‘’Well, considering everything said then I think first option is more likely’’, mumbles Jongin. He doesn’t feel floor under his feet or his legs of that matter. He needs to sit and better – to lie down or to die. Because it seems like Sehun has just- ‘’Oh my fucking god’’, he tries to find something to hold on to and his hand grips the corner of the table. It’s hard to breathe; because Sehun is too close, so close that Jongin can smell his body scent (salty and spicy, with a bitter flavor). 

‘’Sehun, time!’’ Jongdae’s voice echoes in the corridor. 

‘’Fuck, I’m coming!’’ Sehun growls back. ‘’Couldn’t have waited for five minutes more?’’ He turns back to Jongin, loudly exhaling. ‘’Okay, so here’s the deal: either you wait for our performance to end and we finish up this talk after it, either you take the album and go home and I understand that I have no hope and won’t go with Chanyeol to that shithole you call work anymore.’’

Jongin says nothing. He doesn’t know if he wants to stay or to run and never look back. He’s attracted to Sehun like light to the black hole, but consequences scare him. 

‘’I need to go’’, Sehun says. ‘’Your turn to decide.’’

He leaves and Jongin wastes three minutes to find paper bag in his backpack and whole eternity – five minutes – to catch his breath and put the bag back, put album in it too and head to the main hall on wobbling legs. 

By the end of the performance Jongin is pushed out of the bar to the most distant corner possible, thanks to the wild crows. When he finally approaches the fan-zone after getting through numerous sweaty and drunk bodies – musicians are gone. Jongin turns back and runs to the dressing room, but it’s closed.  
All his insides gets cold because he knows for sure one thing: Sehun thought that Jongin left and… and this is the world’s ending, part three!  
Jongin runs to the exit and bumps on the same guy who greeted him earlier.  
‘’Where are musicians?’’ He asks and thinks that it’s time to get paper bag out, because his breath gets caught again. 

‘’On the parking lot.’’

Jongin nods and runs to the said place.  
The van is still there, when Jongin enters the parking lot. Crowd out of fifteen people, mostly consists of girls in shorts and tops who lean on the guys and one each other. One of them is leaning on Sehun, whispering something to his neck. Sehun’s hand is wrapped around her waist and he smokes cigarette, talking to another guy.  
Jongin stops few meters away from the van, trying to understand his feelings; everything is numb inside, apart from his throat that is compressed by the spasms. One of the girls notices him and asks loudly:  
‘’Is he with us?’’  
Someone looks up, someone turns around and Jongin automatically steps back, gripping strap of the backpack. He should have picked second option, damn it! Take the album and get out of here, so he’d never be dying of embarrassment in front of almost twenty people. 

‘’No, he’s not with us’’, Sehun answers and pushes leaning on him girl to the side. ‘’He’s with me.’’

He goes straight to Jongin, takes him by the elbow and leads to the end of the parking lot. 

‘’I thought you left’’, he says after making sure that no one is staring at them. 

‘’As you can see, I didn’t’’, Jongin shrugs. His feelings get back to senses after being numb and now _he’s really hurt_. 

‘’I didn’t see you in the hall, so I thought-‘’

‘’I was at the bar.’’

Sehun nods. He looks helpless and…guilty. 

‘’I would have never… I swear to god, if I knew that you’re there, I would have never even looked at that girl.’’

‘’Why are you telling this to me? You can do whatever you want and-‘’, Jongin again shrugs, trying to ignore enormous pain in the chest; it’s like someone opened a hole there and it gets bigger and bigger every second. 

‘’Jongin, did you understand what we were talking about? What I was talking about?’’

‘’Sehun, are you coming?’’ shouts someone from the car. 

‘’No!’’

‘’But your clothes?’’

‘’Shove them up your ass!’’

No one answered on that and van left the parking lot few seconds after. Sehun waits for it to get lost and then continues: ‘’Okay, so Jongin, half of this evening I’m trying to make you understand that I am, to put it mildly, absolutely crazy about you. But I’m an asshole who can’t come up to you, because you are _you_. I don’t know how to explain this, so-‘’, he takes a deep breath, ‘’I want you to- Jesus, that’s hard. Alright, okay. I’m just gonna say it. I want you to be my boyfriend. There, I said it.’’

‘’Um… Okay’’, Jongin feels like he’s gonna faint. Sehun is right – this is hard. 

‘’Okay what?! Okay as in ‘okay I got you, but I don’t feel the same, so bye’ way, or okay as in ‘okay I’m gonna be your boyfriend’ way?’’

‘’Well, considering everything you said before-‘’

‘’Do you want me to die right here?’’

‘’Me? No! I’m just… it’s hard...’’

Sehun laughs nervously and Jongin does the same. This laughter turns from nervous to hysterical and then suddenly cuts off. Sehun wipes away tears that formed in the corner of his eyes and Jongin watches him with a smile on his face. He doesn’t really want to smile, but he just can’t help it. 

‘’So?’’

‘’It’s cold here.’’

‘’We were heading to Chanyeol’s apartment, but I live close to this place, so…’’

‘’Okay.’’

Sehun nods. They both turn around and rush to the bus station, hoping to catch needed one. 

**  
Sehun manages to open the door only after the third time. He’s nervous and his nervousness gets to Jongin, too. In the corridor he awkwardly takes off backpack and looks around, not knowing where to put it until Sehun takes it and places on the empty shelf for shoes. He also takes his coat and hangs it near his.  
‘’Don’t worry, I’m clean. I check up every six months’’, he says, looking at Jongin’s face. 

‘’Oh, I – you know, I didn’t really think about it, everything is so fast and…’’

‘’Nothing will happen if you don’t want it. We can just sit and talk’’, Sehun smiles and Jongin blushes. 

‘’No, I want to, really. It’s just- I kind of. Um. Don’t know what to do?’’

‘’What do you mean?’’

‘’Well..’’

_‘’O-oh’’_ , Sehun’s face changes; both understanding and confusion flickers in his gaze. ‘’Good that you said it, I would have never thought that you’re virgin.’’

‘’We have different views on myself, obviously’’, Jongin says and even though he’s embarrassed, he can’t stop looking at Sehun. 

‘’Jongin, if you’re not ready, then better don’t push yourself, nothing good will work out if you do.’’

Jongin inhales sharply. Short spasm tightens his abdominal muscles and gives a pleasant pain to the groin. Jongin takes a step closer to Sehun and presses his lips on his. It takes half a second for Sehun to understand everything and then pull Jongin closer. 

They fuck on a sagging sofa and Jongin bites his fist to prevent screaming, when Sehun finds the right angle; they have sex in a small shower cabin and Jongin closes his mouth with hand to not let loud moans escape his mouth, when Sehun whispers his name in his ears; they make love on an unmade bed and Jongin screams and moans loudly, combing the sheets between his fingers, when Sehun makes his body move with him and comes – deep and strong – right inside him.  
‘’Chanyeol was right’’, Sehun says, when stained sheets are thrown on the floor and naked bodies start shivering because of the cold. 

‘’Tell me that you don’t discuss me with him, please’’, Jongin groans and pushes covers up to his chin. 

‘’I don’t discuss my personal life with anyone. It’s just Chanyeol once said that there is nothing better than having sex with the person you love…’’

Jongin freezes and, staring at the ceiling, counts till ten. Closes eyes and exhales:  
‘’Definitely.’’


End file.
